18 Years, A Mother's Love
by starraiser
Summary: The journey of the twins' childhood from their mother's perspective and her feelings about their strange relationship and her bittersweet thoughts about regret.


Just a little bit of angst on this fine November night. I hope you enjoy:

When they were five, their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She would put them in girl clothes style their hair so she could call them princesses. When they were four, she let them know how much she wished they were girls during a night where her anxiety to have the perfect family peaked. When they were fifteen, she told them how happy she were that they were both boys after her friend complained to her that her daughter was knocked up by some asshole that refused to pay child support.

When they were five, their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She would giggle as she tucked them in at night in their shared bed, both of them hugging their teddy bears and snuggled up next to each other. When they were three, she had given up on separating the twins in different rooms after a week of constant crying and begging to sleep together. When there they fourteen, she would nervously peek into their room just to make sure they were not sleeping in the same bed and feeling an icy chill run up her spine when they were.

When they were five, their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She would read them books at night, Hikaru resting against her side, Kaoru in her lap, while she read them fantasy novels about lands far away in hopes that they would dream of adventure and glory. When they were two, she would watch them play with a smile on her face even when they fought over toys or attention knowing one day they wouldn't need anybody else but each other. When they were thirteen, she would beg them constantly to talk to other children their same age, panicking when they once again refused.

When they were five, their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She would reassure them that they were not weird or freaks like the children at school had been calling them, feeling anger rising as her sons wept and asked her what was wrong with them. When they were one, still just infants just gooing and being cute she never realized how much love she had felt for the both of them and already planned on them having amazing lives. When they were twelve, she had a parent meeting at their school and she was too into denial to understand why the teacher expressed concern over the closeness the twins shared.

When they were five, their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She would take them on walks and show them how beautiful life could be by pointing out how water was running over pebbles in the steam and how leaves gracefully fall off trees in the autumn. When they were still in her womb, she would rub her belly and call them by their name, whispering to them how much daddy and herself loved them and how happy that she was blessed with two of them. When they were eleven, she couldn't be happier with how her boys were being shaped into being a successful adult but still found it cute how they still held hands when they went on walks.

When they were five, their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She would tell them to always look out for each other and be there to support each other because in this world you need somebody to be able to lean on. When she was twenty and desperate to have a child, far too eager to have one for her youth, she already had picked out names for the baby girl that she knew she would have. When they were seventeen she stood there feeling pain as she looked at Kaoru looking lost and confused staring at his twin who happily spending more time with Haruhi than his own twin.

When they were five their mother told them how lucky they were to have each other. She was jealous of the closeness they shared, one that she never got to experience, one that she had to learn how to deal with. When they were sixteen, she had told them they were spending too much time together and that it was wrong and sick. When they were eighteen and finally adults, she realized how much she missed them holding hands and sleeping together. One of her sons seemed to glisten while her other son seemed to dim.

Now, after so many years of uncertainty, of blind love, and fear and anxiety, all she could think about was how she thought she was doing everything right while her sons were growing up. She let them sleep together until they were ready to part and when they were still doing it past the point of it being rational she told them that it wasn't right. And then with the host club and getting real friends…everything was looking up and she knew her sons would be fine. For one of them it did work. Hikaru soared like an eagle. He advanced so much from where the twins started from and started breaking apart from the strong obsessive hold their relationship. She couldn't be happier for him. She knew he would be okay.

On the other side of the coin, she watched this destroy Kaoru in a way that she couldn't prevent. She could see him still looking at his brother with subtle wanting in his eyes, of needing for his brother to lay down with him and let him rest his head on his shoulder. She saw the way he tried to get his brother to pay attention to him, longing for his brother to look away from Haruhi long enough to notice how miserable he was. Hikaru didn't notice but she did. She didn't know how to fix it either. She just wished sometimes she could go back in time to when they were five. Life was simpler then.

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I hoped you liked it. Please leave a review and make me smile.


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